I’ve taken Calculus three times (and registered for it four!). I had it in High School, at ESU in 1998, (registered again in 1999 spring), and again last semester. While I technically passed it in High School, I didn’t understand everything. It wasn’t until last semester that everything finally made sense.

I’ve always had this respect for math — I have always appreciated its importance but always felt envious of people for whom it comes so naturally (or so it seems). But it just always seemed to be beyond my reach.

A few months back, I heard this program on NPR where they talked about this book by Malcom Gladwell called Outliers. [Video: Katie Couric interviews the author] The subject was raised: Why are asian kids so darn good at math? The author believes that it relates to rice paddies. Rice paddies?

Growing rice requires hard work, calculations, and persistence. You get out exactly what you put into it, apparently. And math is the same way — if you study hard and do the problems, you can learn the material. 

I had never really thought about it that way before.

The Sordid Past….

I always used to victimize myself about math – deferring to the treatment by my elementary school teachers. In third grade, my math teacher apparently called me nasty names — my mom told me I often came home crying. I really don’t remember much of it, other than that I was called an “airhead” on one occasion.

In fourth grade, my teacher had a policy that if you didn’t do your homework, you had to sit in the hallway to “do the homework” — except he never checked to see if you did it. I had a tendency to not do homework, and so I ended up in the hallway quite frequently (read: nearly every day). The problem was, after missing a few classes, I had no idea to DO the homework anymore, so it was an endless cycle.

In fifth grade, they put me in the remedial math class. [Ironic, since I was also one of those "gifted kids".] I had a newer teacher, Mr. Fox — he was absolutely AMAZING. He had a very energetic personality, really cared about all of our learning, and really grilled me about doing the homework. He made me make a “homework book” that my mom would have to sign after she saw that I had done the homework. I learned a lot that year.

An Issue of Sleep

In High School, my bad sleeping habits started.  I think it was about that time that my room was moved downstairs, and to that point I had already been staying up late reading books. (Seriously — I read TONS of books back then) I slept on the bus on the way to school, and often dozed off during Mrs. Selzer’s Geometry class. Apparently one time I was actually snoring in class. 

For some reason, my school district loved putting math as the first class of the day. Every single year of high school, Math was bright and early. And I wasn’t. As High School progressed, the problem worsened. By Senior year, I was using my calculus textbook as a pillow, sitting towards the back of the class, hoping Mr. Keaney didn’t see me. (He was a really cool teacher, and I felt bad about it…but I was soooo tired. )

Bad study habits, bad sleep habits, eventually I just kind of gave up on it. First semester of college I had Calculus I. My instructor was Chinese with a very pronounced accent. The class was in the middle of the day, which I thought was hopeful. Unfortunately it was right after lunch, and every time, inevitably, my body would get really warm and I’d go into a food coma. (The bad sleep habits probably didn’t help though).

Mathematically Pupating

Between 1999 and 2006 I had no higher math classes. But I kind of ruminated about the subject. I read a book on techniques for doing fast mental calculations. I can do most simple arithmetic calculations in my head pretty quickly (not quite like those speed-math kids with the Abacus fingers, but I do ok). I started reading “Calculus the Easy Way”. I picked up some math textbooks at garage sales and did some practice problems.

Most importantly though, I realized that I liked math. It felt so poetically unfortunate, as if I were Salieri: developing the ability to appreciate something but lacking the ability to create it. I would read books about cosmology, quantum mechanics, and upper-level physics and be completely impassioned by the concepts, but completely lost if an integral sign or any greek letters appeared.

At one of the many colleges I attended, I got a perfect score on the math entrance exam (it was just basic algebra), and yet I still had to take their elementary math course — go figure. There was a “college algebra” class at IvyTech, when I got my accounting degree. And then at IU East, I took Pre-Calculus and Trigonometry. I just wanted to learn the material. The groundwork was already laid over the past 10 years, so I picked it up pretty quickly.

Finally, it began to make sense.

The Prestige

Last semester, I decided that it was high time I try Calculus again. My instructor, Kumara (who is also the Dean of Natural Science & Mathematics here at IUE) is a middle-aged Sri Lankan immigrant. He has a terrific approach to Calculus, and I imagine he developed it after having years of students like me; Students that feel really intimidated by CALCULUS!!!! 

Kumara only required that we understand the concepts. He rarely made us simplify our equations. If we could work through the various formula and “rules”, working the Calculus methods, he was content if the result was still ugly. This allowed us all to focus more on going through the motions of setting up and running through the calculus.

Derivatives… Chain Rule… Integrals… it all started to make sense. I worked really hard, did the homework, studied the material, and even did some extra credit problems. When I didn’t understand something, I asked questions. Kumara was so supportive and helpful about ensuring we understood the material. IU East is one of the few schools where Calculus is a 5 credit course. This means that class is ridiculously long; in spite of that, there was one class session where all he did was review the material from the previous session (I think it was related rates or something), because we were unclear about it. It was like being in Mr. Fox’s class all over again. I got a high A in the class.

Right now, I am in Calculus II and Differential Equations.  I am no longer afraid of math. I no longer look at a summation formula and feel helpless. I no longer feel like my academic options are limited because I have to avoid majors that require higher math. Diff Eq is really challenging and sometimes I feel in a bit over my head, but I keep plugging away at it anyways. (Differential Equations is the math course where a typical problem is something like “You have a bathtub with the drain open and the faucet on. You pour 50 mL of soap into the bathtub and mix it evenly– how long does it take until there is only 10 mL of soap left?”)

I’ve realized, like Gladwell says, that I get out what I put in. If I really work hard at it, I can do it. I can do math.

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