Posts Tagged Existentialism is an illusion

Fluffy White Clouds

One of my mismatched socks has a huge fucking hole in the toe of it. And the heel. It looks like the type of sock hobos always wear in movies and old films. Just give me a ratty dark brown jacket, a busted up top-hat, and all my belongings in a little sack on the end of a stick, and I’ll be ready to hitch a ride on the next train out of hear and eat canned beans over a bonfire.

I can’t sleep tonight. I have too much on my mind. I was practicing spinning tonight (that means “DJ’ing using vinyl records” for those not in the know…. I wasn’t literally rotating myself in circles or anything) and I realized I’m crazily out of practice. This is kind of a crucial realization given that I’m spinning at my friend Rai’s birthday party next wednesday. That’s going to be an interesting night… between Jerry, myself and Cramer, we’ll be DJing from 9pm to about 3am. And somewhere in there I’m supposed to get drunk with Rai. I’m not sure that I’ve ever spun while intoxicated, that’ll be interesting. Drinking on the eve before a workday….scary thought. Read the rest of this entry »

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Ahhh.. feels absolutely wretched to be home. I love it.

Sitting here, listening to Tool, drinking some Tanqueray. Good stuff.

It feels good to be depressed again. To feel horrible, inspired, feeling like my face is being ground into the mud of the road as I’m pulled along by my feet. I feel more alive when I feel like I want to be dead, it’s absolutely wonderful.

When I feel like shit I want to write, i want to paint & draw, i want to do whatever I can to get what I’m feeling out of my body. It’s one of the few times when I feel really aware of what is going on inside, probably because I’m so familiar with it. It just feels like home. I hate everything and I want to die, but I’m comfortable and I know what to expect. I’m alive.

Deathclock.com says I cash my check on Saturday, July 11, 2071, Only 2,072,825,937 seconds to go. What do do in the meantime? What to do…

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